Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts
25 August 2008
2 weeks ago last thurs
i finally stopped hating my personal little slice of hurt in the world, thursday 2 weeks ago at 2am.
04 July 2008
you promised me poems.
Another year, and it gets further away and it hurts less, I guess. Eventually I will be able to stop feeling it at all. And if there were even the slightest bit of genuine sorry, we could be friends. Such a bitter pill. Last night at the big B, rockin' it with Tai-tai:
me: So I'm sad.
tai-tai: Why?
me: because it's the 4th of July.
tai-tai: So?
me: It's my anniversary for when my drama-llama bullshit happened.
tai-tai: oh.
me: I mean, I bet you don't even remember when the thing with your sister happened.
tai-tai: no, I don't know the day or even the month. I remember where i was and what I was doing.
me: but that's my point. I can't forget, and even if I did, there's fucking fireworks to remind me.
tai-tai: like a party! YAY!
11 April 2008
in which
in which Sterling provides an apt summary:
"I consider it my personal Vietnam. If I had gone in and struck hard and fast and all in one go, none of that shit would have gone down. But because I didn't, because I took it slow, I sabotaged myself. And I think it was because [removed]."
"...So you consider it all your fault?"
"Yes."
"And none of it would have happened and [removed] would still be friends with [removed]."
"That's what I'm saying."
"Wow, that's a lot of guilt."
in which Laura considers the possibility that there may be a better way to handle situations
Laura: so, he is right. we do need more time. though i think he went about it totally wrong. but, i do realize he doesnt have the emotional capability/tact that i hhave :P
(erm, maybe i dont always hav tact)
David: like when you laughed at [laura's ex-boyfriend]'s naked erection?
Laura: yes :(
David: some people might say that was .... less than fully tactful
in which Little Trouble Girl summarizes her complex love life:
"So I'm going to see my husband in the hospital, but I stopped by to have lunch with my boyfriend -- that I'm not having sex with because he's married -- to tell him about how I didn't get laid last night with my coworker/crush because he couldn't get it hard despite a long blowjob and to complain about how my fuckbuddy just left for [unnamed country] which is good because we might be developing feelings for each other. Which would be bad."
in which i make an ass of myself at a party:
"dude i was in college when you were still sucking your momma's dick!"
"you know my mom's dead, right?"
"I consider it my personal Vietnam. If I had gone in and struck hard and fast and all in one go, none of that shit would have gone down. But because I didn't, because I took it slow, I sabotaged myself. And I think it was because [removed]."
"...So you consider it all your fault?"
"Yes."
"And none of it would have happened and [removed] would still be friends with [removed]."
"That's what I'm saying."
"Wow, that's a lot of guilt."
in which Laura considers the possibility that there may be a better way to handle situations
Laura: so, he is right. we do need more time. though i think he went about it totally wrong. but, i do realize he doesnt have the emotional capability/tact that i hhave :P
(erm, maybe i dont always hav tact)
David: like when you laughed at [laura's ex-boyfriend]'s naked erection?
Laura: yes :(
David: some people might say that was .... less than fully tactful
in which Little Trouble Girl summarizes her complex love life:
"So I'm going to see my husband in the hospital, but I stopped by to have lunch with my boyfriend -- that I'm not having sex with because he's married -- to tell him about how I didn't get laid last night with my coworker/crush because he couldn't get it hard despite a long blowjob and to complain about how my fuckbuddy just left for [unnamed country] which is good because we might be developing feelings for each other. Which would be bad."
in which i make an ass of myself at a party:
"dude i was in college when you were still sucking your momma's dick!"
"you know my mom's dead, right?"
15 March 2008
hills like white elephants
So I come in to the restaurant and sit down and say "Hey! Sorry I'm late, your tits look great!"
To which she says: "They should, I'm pregnant."
She had broken up with her boyfriend recently, just...differences, you know? and the short version is that one time a month ago they fucked up, and now my friend is getting an abortion, and is horrified and guilty and I feel sorrow for her. It's the right choice for her, and it's excruciating bordering on the unbearable for her to choose this.
I've had other people in my life who had them -- a high school friend during my Christian phase who was afraid to tell me because she thought I would take it poorly, another was someone I drove ~400 miles to see because of it1,2 (and she'd gotten another one I wasn't supposed to know about, but we never spoke of it obviously) and then another who drunk on her birthday while talking about a mutual friend having a baby just dropped it in conversation matter-of-factly (in front of her current husband) about how she'd had one when 18. It's heart-wrenching, it really is. Necessary and liberating in a way, and in many cases, it's the only way that makes any sense. But still.
1 If you're still reading: you know who you are. Are you still reading? I wonder sometimes. I stopped trying to check; I figure if you can't tell me, you just can't.
2 Technically, I went to cheer her up because of heartbreak. The Legendary Pink Dots' song "Home" reminds me of this period, and I cannot listen to it more than once or twice a year (which sucks because it's on my favorite LPD album, "The Maria Dimension"), because listening to it instantly brings me back to waking up slowly with the light, dim in the morning and the traffic slowly waking up and my back stiff from the mattress on the floor, the cat freaked out.
To which she says: "They should, I'm pregnant."
She had broken up with her boyfriend recently, just...differences, you know? and the short version is that one time a month ago they fucked up, and now my friend is getting an abortion, and is horrified and guilty and I feel sorrow for her. It's the right choice for her, and it's excruciating bordering on the unbearable for her to choose this.
I've had other people in my life who had them -- a high school friend during my Christian phase who was afraid to tell me because she thought I would take it poorly, another was someone I drove ~400 miles to see because of it1,2 (and she'd gotten another one I wasn't supposed to know about, but we never spoke of it obviously) and then another who drunk on her birthday while talking about a mutual friend having a baby just dropped it in conversation matter-of-factly (in front of her current husband) about how she'd had one when 18. It's heart-wrenching, it really is. Necessary and liberating in a way, and in many cases, it's the only way that makes any sense. But still.
1 If you're still reading: you know who you are. Are you still reading? I wonder sometimes. I stopped trying to check; I figure if you can't tell me, you just can't.
2 Technically, I went to cheer her up because of heartbreak. The Legendary Pink Dots' song "Home" reminds me of this period, and I cannot listen to it more than once or twice a year (which sucks because it's on my favorite LPD album, "The Maria Dimension"), because listening to it instantly brings me back to waking up slowly with the light, dim in the morning and the traffic slowly waking up and my back stiff from the mattress on the floor, the cat freaked out.
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