dream 13dec08

there's a house, concrete and a bit of grass i am outside between the house and the fence of the next house and there's a bike chase and a car chase through what feels like the old church on westward or maybe the police station in VG and then there's a diff house or diff aspect of same house feels dark dry kind of shack-like with rickety stairs etc and i leave and things happen i don't remember now but walking down sidewalk on westward and suddenly b is there or mentioned and suddenly part pf the group we're in? and she's married or marrying this guy whose name is john buttersbtu (even in the dream i'm like "wtf is up with that name is it an anagram?" and i am fucking racking my brain going "what's wrong with that name dammit") and at some point with very minimal speaking i communicate w/ her that she's not actually on my shit list anymore and we're not buddy-buddy but at least the mood lightens in the dream and we all walk into a restaurant (or it could be Scoops the icecream joint) -- doesn't matter, we don't order or eat or anything, all these places are just scenery mostly -- and she tells me she's been sick and i say yes i heard about the heart she says no no like throwing up and upset stomach sick all day and i say well shit maybe you have morning pregnancy i mean morning sickness (even in the dream i am a clutz and prone to spoonerisms) and cut to i am back at the shack but outside and leading to a different adjoining house whose interior feels japanese in it's sparseness, but american in deisgn if that makes sense and there's like an art show but filled to the brim with weapons and this feels coincidental until midgets (they look like children, but they are so not children) start a takeover coup thing and we're just fucking running and it's me, vij and two other dudes and we're on foot and then acquire an suv and they drop me in my neighborhood and i'm walking the three blocks to my place when i notice i am by b's house (i am standing by mailbox, letters say 'john buttersbtu' and 'elizabeth buttersbtu') and i am kinda weirded out that they live like 2 blocks from me and i think of our kids playing together AND THEN CUT straight back to the shop and she steps out and comes back w/ an ept and shaking her head 'no' and i say 'well it usually takes like 6 weeks to even be able to tell on one of those, but they are like 99.999 accurate' and she is both sad and relieved and i am a blank slate nothing showing and cut back to chase scene and i am sneaking into the shack so the evil pigmy midget kids don't know i'm on to them or clue in to me being armed to the teeth and intent on fucking up their day and i am halfway up the shack house stairs (the whole house is basically room and then stairs-to-next-room, structurally unsound but securitywise easy to defend) and their plot can be unravelled by basically going to the last room and knocking out this transmitter thing and i am halfway through when they catch on and i'm in a room with just a couple of old people and i know the rest of the way is clear i just want to keep the position from being taken and i am by the door keeping them out and the old woman is offering me sweets from a bag and all i have to do is keep the door closed and those dudes are fucked no way in and i wake up

seriously if you know what this dream is about, help a brother out. perhaps influence of the full moon.

My father's dream, 20jul08

My father called me up last week, to tell me about a dream he'd had. My father and I have never spoken of dreams. There were french doors and they opened and Abuelo was there, with his big grin -- we've all got it really it's the mark of my family name really -- and holding a little boy's hand, he turned to my father and says "mira que se parece a ti cabezon". My father was too shocked to say anything. Yesterday was all hectic and doctors and driving but in the end, everything was OK, and we got to hear the heartbeat again. tuntun-tuntun-tunun

dream 27jun08

apt. complex, i have been here before, in dreams, it feels like the one where that blonde curly haired chick eden dated for like 2 weeks (the one with the gay best friend) lived, with a shadow that was shaped like null set symbols [␀] and eden is there and we're going somwhere else and there are other people, a group, we're going to a party or just to have fun at the beach or something and then the complex is his folks' place but they don't live there anymore, just ed and he finally got all his stuff from V and the group i'm with stays outside and i walk in and ed always hates that but fuck there's my fucking flanger pedal! and i look for the distortion pedal but cannot find it and i'm cold and cold and wake up uncovered.

dream 9may2008

1st dream, 630am: house flooding.

2nd dream, 1130am: first lucid dream in like, 13 years. First I was going down coral way in an office chair, kicking my way down coral way and each kick pushed me waaaaaay farther than it should have, and then on 12th but not really I hang a left and I realize it's Valentine's Day and I don't give a fuck and am laughing and rolling down the street and then the sidewalk and then young punks in love and they are laughing and mocking me and I realize the chair thing is fucking stupid but wait that means this is a dream so I stop kicking and just will myself forward and then when that works just consciously tumble out of the chair forward and fly, but very slow, like flying through molasses and only a foot off the ground. finally I get traction and can kick it fast and hard and I realize I could be getting laid right here and now in my lucid dream, the phone rings and wakes me. cockblocked!

dream 3may2008

apartment bldg, behind brysons and over one, but not really - it feels like the apts in little havana, - overcast but not rainy, i am walking through the hallway and i am walking to get a tricycle (the huge adult ones like old people use like abuela gypsy used to have before she got frail before she died) so that i can get shit done because there's a timetable and i need to go home and get stuff and then elsewhere and do stuff and do not want to be here because b is here and there she is in front of me back turned and smoking or trying to light a smoke fucking dammit like when you don't want something to happen and there is happens and all of a sudden it's fucking forgiveness dream wherein she is too proud and bitter and pissed and i am indifferent and this is getting her even more upset and i have fucking shit to do lady i need to go and you are making me sad -- not sorrow, not grief, not even upset, just...hey, bummer man, -- and there's tony, indifferent or didn't notice me or whatever but steadfastly Not My Concern and I am leaving and i suddenly have the fucking tricycle except now it's a bike? and it's that hot stillness before a storm and as i bike down the street the rain starts and i wake

dream 13feb08

trapaising house to house, 2nd story apt., bathroom flooding, bucket the water out, argue w/ her about the why, see Anonymous (with Guy Fawkes masks!) through kitchen/bathroom window and i place my hand against the window and say sorry i can't go guys but never forget, landlord/lady comes to fix the now drained bathroom and i think they're just going through my shit i dunno and i wake because the storm is scaring my dog.

dreams and cheese

If you see below, you'll see the last two days I have had bizarre and unusual dreams. (Bizarre: STD? wtfbbqaolnet. unusual: a sadness dream). and so the last two days I have had cheese about an hour before sleep; brie and some french thing on the 17th and feta on the 18th.

So it turns out that different cheeses give you different dreams.

85% of females who ate Stilton had some of the most unusual dreams of the whole study. 65% of people eating Cheddar dreamt about celebrities, over 65% of participants eating Red Leicester revisited their schooldays, all female participants who ate British Brie had nice relaxing dreams whereas male participants had cryptic dreams, two thirds of all those who ate Lancashire had a dream about work and over half of Cheshire eaters had a dreamless sleep.

I think I'm going to try the brie and manchego tonight.



Speaking of food, I have fixed my tzatziki recipe for non-suckyness.

To wit, you will need:
1 container of greek yogurt*
1 container of sour cream
1 cucumber, large, seeded and chopped (or grated) however you like it. peeling optional.
4 cloves of garlic, minced (or chopped)
6 leaves of mint, rolled into a tube and chopped into tiny shreds
a sprig of dill, chopped into nothingness as well
1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
pepper to taste

*regular plain yogurt strained in a cloth will work if you can't get the greek stuff. strain for at least an hour, you want the consistency of the sour cream, so a fair amount of liquid needs to leave the yogurt.


mix all the non-cream stuff, mix the yogurt and cream, then mix the two mixes together. store and chill while you toast some flatbread (or pita) in the oven (or on the grill).


works well with falafel (quick and dirty: 1 can garbanzos, an onion and spices you like -- grind together in a blender with a slice of white bread (or flour if you've got) until it's a paste. add a bit of olive oil if you need to moisten it a bit. form into balls with two spoons and then fry. et viola.)

dream 18jan2008

walking in a hallway dark not scary but dim and then with b, into a cafeteria-looking room and we have been looking for something but not finding it, and she is in trouble for killing a man and we're not friends but not enemies either and things are tense and awkward and i want it to be unfuckedup and friends because she needs help and i could do something and i hate feeling like this, compromised into being unable to be friends, but can't forgive without some sign of friendship, or caring, and there's just words and platitudes and i do not want to be here but am forced to (the way that you don't know why you have to do something in a dream but you just know it) so i do it and the tension is worse but i'm not angry just sad, overwhelmingly sad, and it's dim like we're where even sadness is something to see and the look on her face is best described as vexed or "i know something needs to be done but i don't know what" and i wake.

dream 17jan2008

party, loud, obnoxious, siba is there and i am flirting, things get romantic and i wind up at the Dr's who is telling me I have an STD while he holds a syringe.

thxgiving update

vacation: sucked, I worked on the house and w/ the fam (jesus they are tireless)

work: I am a hero and an unsung rockstar of unprecedented caliber. we had a server -- the one and only web server, the one that has hard drives that grriiiiiiiinnnnnddddd when they spin up and has therefore not been turned off for 5 years and then because of a power failure, and not been updated for about 10 years -- have it's PSU blow up and catch fire. despite this, I was able to get us working (hobbled, but hey) for the few days it took to get the machine repaired.


i bought a jawesome! map in a magnelephant frame at my dad's neighbors' moving out garage sale. my ex-landlord is in foreclosure and I picked up 3 GTA games for 30 bux.

this morning i dreamt that had gone to sleep late (i had) and got woken up by my cell and it was she calling to say there were things unsaid. i never got to hear them because the alarm went off.

dream 290ct2007

sex, space travel, running across a cliff next to a forest, then singing "holiday in cambodia". i wake singing dead kennedys.

probably come to die in this town

brutal music:

Big Black's "Kerosene", live. Steve Albini, one of the most antagonistic and principled people in the music business. Check the credits in your record collection, I bet you've got something he's producedrecorded.


My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult's "A Daisy Chain 4 Satan", live. I recently found the MLWTTKK website again and now it's got PDF's of the lyrics. Whoa, I've been singing this song wrong for ~10 years now. I like my version better, even if the only lyric I could make out was, in fact, wrong. (I keep singing "dream war" instead of "dream why").

dream 23jul07

i am in my bedroom, fooling w/ a guitar -- it's an 8 string fretless bass with a jelly body that only flexes when i want it to, weighs nothing and is impossible to tune. someone joins me and i am in a music store, and we bullshit and i leave and outside it's like an office bldg downtown or miami dade and a rocket goes off and then i driving on a highway -- elevated, like a bridge -- my viewpoint goes from 3rd person to 1st as i zoom into myself and i am driving with an older woman; attractive, tall, slender but not thin. we are flirting but driving on our way to stop a missle or rocket. we see one take off from the water, and then i am on a cliff but there's a waterfall and a sort of setup where people can ride carts perpendicular to the fall and if they get to the edge without toppling they win -- a sort of contest. first couple sink immediately, the 3rd dude starts to make it but has no traction in the water -- no weight in the back to keep the paddles in the water -- and when he finally sorts that out, winds up shooting right over the fall. the 4th dude makes it to the edge and speeds off and whoa i am him now except now it's a car (shitty pseudo sporty car) and i am driving down roads with a lot of very S. FL. undergrowth encroaching -- palms etc -- and i get to a light and i see lisbert talking to a blond girl looks like priscilla but i want to call her jessica and yet is neither, and lis is telling this girl how to be a flirt and i drive off and as i drive the path behind me changes so that if i turn around (with great difficulty at an intersection -- fucking trucks!) the way is not what it had been. eventually there's a place where the path is submerged and i am riding a tricycle like abuela gypsi's but lucky it's not deep water -- to the ankle at most -- except something scratches or bites my right ankle as i'm about 4/5ths of the way out and as i stop on solid land i wake.

dream 21jul07 -- i dreamed i dream

i am in a huge hosue -- many floors, rooms, almost an apt bldg or office bldg -- and organizing a tribute or compilation album and sonic youth is there, and lee ranaldo was being a total dick to me, second guessing my every choice on the record; "why are you doing it like this? what's wrong with that?" etc etc. amusing because i don't think i've ever even heard the man speak. lots of things happened -- friends showed up etc -- but nothing really bad or sad. i wake confused.

remember: capo iv & ef#gab cmaj7 & the 8vadream

dream 12jul07

I am in a classroom, at university, it is dark but not in a bad way -- like an overcast day or just late afternoon -- and I have just left one class and come to this one, it is my first day and it is a language class. The prof is a mix between buddy-buddy and piss & vinegar, a younger randall prentis jones perhaps less cynical or less overt about his affected cynicism. this is not said, it's just one of those things you know in dreams, although his manner and how he speaks give some of it away. i like this class very much and afterwards there is some congregation of the students and it starts to feel somewhat like an impromptu party or get together and she's there and a palpable wave of sadness just washes over me, and i am sorry we cannot be friends, that we hurt each other so, and i grieve and i am walking in an outside hallway at an apartment complex, so familiar but i've never been there, and it's my uncle's place but it isn't the real place, just in my dream i know that this is his place and it's by the sea, somewhat like mercy hospital is with a malecon right by there, and it's breezy but not overly, and the water crashes against the rock barrier in a languid almost calm way while i knock on the door and there's a dog, and i have to get something or do something in the apartment and i finish up and walk out and now there's a light forest between the water and the exterior hallway and it's still late afternoon when the twilight starts to cool and darken and she's there and we don't say anything but we're friends again and laughing at something silly and i realize it's a dream and i wake.

Le petit morte

My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless" is the most intense music to have sex to, ever. 4 days later and I still have a headache. I can't describe it more than to say it's a lot of overwhelming, and it made me feel every single moment in slow motion. Beats Acid Mother Temple's "La Novia" and Miles' "Kind of Blue" hands-down. The tantric breathing might have helped, though. cf: convo w/ lisbert w/r/t the french calling the orgasm "the little death" circa 97? before our big falling out ages ago.

I saved my cousin Veronica's life when I was 9 and she was i want to say 5; pulled her out of the pool by her hair. Hans, Tio Mel's Shepherd, just standing there, Michelle confused and screaming. Tio Mel going WTFWTF and he pulled her out of the water. I don't know why summer reminds me of that.

Dream: 8jun07 high school classrooms, the hall next to the band room, one of the piano labs is now a business office and ex-co-workers are there telling me how much they miss my company¹. Leave and into hallway B walks fast and pointedly does not make eye contact with me; i can feel the fury in her movements. Amusingly everyone is dressed in Victorian clothing. There's something about cars -- a trans am? something like that -- and a double bass is involved somewhere. Something weird about geometry in the dream, spatial relationships -- walls, floors, hallways etc -- keep shifting. It's off-putting. I wake confused.

Birthdays past and birthdays coming up...must remember to remember. Or something.

Segue: Nikola Tesla, synesthete, genius and all around weirdo has been on my mind of late.<sup>2

1</sup> Actually this is correct. Vij has lamented to me how it's no fun anymore, whereas most everyone else is all "so things are better without D around, eh?" No one really appreciates the curative powers of levity; my main function those last weeks was keeping V from hating the job as much as I did.

² That's a snippet from some show. Full show is here: pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

little trouble girl

sonic youth vid in honor of new friend apparently. litl troubl grl, seems a conglomerate of dee, bee, sun, ces, maybe a bit of reven. whoa havent thought of her in ages. also briefly remembered RA from 7thh grade? funny i remember edgar mocking because she was so annoying and i was crushing and all i remember about that is feeling bad. tht's not true but i don't want to remember any more details. the past a different country etc

dream: haiti, lines in travel queues waiting to get in, driving around, rose w/ me then stace, inside a bodega looking place the trouble starts -- zombies, well, it's haiti, what do you expect -- and in a building next to the shack we're sheltering in, above & looking down from a party, b is dancing and laughing and i'm in it to my neck and it's no picnic but i feel pity for her, and i don't know if i'm forcing myself or not but there's knifework to be done so the unexamined life prevails. i get us out, but we lose stuff. i shrug. stuff is easy to replace.

god i'm drunk now. red red wine stay cloes to me.